Every day, we’re assailed by a hundred voices, all crying for our attention in a thousand ways. Whether it is immediate family making demands, or our friends on facebook making personal posts which tug at our heart strings, or the manifold causes which beg of us to give….just a little….just give….something….
There are days when I’m just out of things to give. See, I’ve given them all away. I gave on Facebook, when a close friend had a social media meltdown, and I wrote to her from the heart and tried to make her day brighter. I gave on twitter, when I vented my spleen at the government, for yet another spectacular failure, at society, for being hateful, and at some arbitrary tweleb for posting something which I know would hurt friends of mine.
Then, I gave at home. I consoled my child, who was upset at a slight from a friend, and who is PMSing something chronic and who needed me, right then, to tell her how gorgeous and special she is. I gave to my husband,who is struggling with self-doubt in a new business venture. I gave to my dog, who was anxious because dad yelled at the pigs,and maybe that meant dad was cross with her, too.
I gave to my client, whose divorce is nasty and making her feel like a second class citizen. I gave to the clerk of the court, who had just been yelled at by an attorney who didn’t get that he was trying his best. I gave to the messenger behind me, whose boss has given him a second warning,because he can’t find a file, even though that’s not his fault.
I gave to the beggar at the side of the road, who is so worn down by life, that the simple act of my smiling at him and giving him five bucks seemed to give him second wind.
I gave at the Spar,when I asked the teller how she was, and told her that her hair is pretty in that style, and she giggled coyly and said “thank you,ma’am”, and I wondered whether anyone else noticed.
And then I came home, and I gave a little more. I gave to clients, and family, and friends.
And now there’s nothing left. Except that voice inside me going “You gave, and that makes you part of something bigger.”
And I hold onto that as I fall asleep. Lonely, worn out, sad, and depressed. But holding onto the whisper which says “we are all one, and tomorrow, someone will give what you need.”